Your sexual health

Posted on 27 September 2012

Dr Marlene Wasserman, also known as Dr Eve, is an internationally acclaimed sexual-health consultant and therapist. 

The pressures of a busy lifestyle and demanding jobs are taking their toll on my partner and me, and sex is just too much of an effort lately. What can we do to put the spark back in our relationship?
Put the spark back into yourself as a person. You should both take guilt-free time to do something alone, something you each love doing. You’ll feel energised, excited, happier and sexier. You’re bound to find each other attractive and, amazingly, intimacy happens.

My husband struggles to get an erection and feels embarrassed about it. How can I help him deal with it?
Research shows that a man’s best chance of getting his erection seen to is when his wife takes him to a healthcare provider – men are usually not good at seeking health advice. I urge you to do this sooner than later. There is strong evidence that shows the first sign of heart disease among men is erectile failure, which can present up to three years before he has his first cardiac event.

I’m a single mother of two young teenagers. I don’t want them to be confronted with misinformation about sex. How do I approach the subject?
They’re likely to have already had some exposure to information about sexuality, so jump in now. Use teachable moments. For example, when a sex scene is showing while you’re all watching TV, give your opinion about it and be sure to provide correct information. Or there’s a discussion or comment on the radio while you’re all in your car about a popular personality having an affair, tell your children how you feel about the subject and what the consequences are. I hope you’re comfortable with your own sexuality, because this is how kids learn most of their lessons. Dr Eve’s Sex Book is a great guide for you and your kids.

I love my husband but I don’t enjoy sex. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings?
I wonder whether you don’t enjoy sex or don’t enjoy sex with your husband? About 43% of women say they don’t enjoy sex mainly because their partners don’t help with household tasks, have poor hygiene or poor sexual techniques. The first step to satisfying sex for any woman is an ability to enjoy sex and be orgasmic on her own, and then to have the courage and communication skill to educate her man to pleasure her. You can always include a sex toy to ensure your pleasure in a respectful manner.

I find sex really painful and it’s affecting my relationship. What could be the cause, and how should I address it?
Painful sex is a real and significant problem for about 33% of women. Pain can be the result of many factors, including a sexually transmitted infection, psychological distress, a variety of genito-pelvic pain disorders or a vulvar disease, or distress in the relationship. It could also be a carry-over of childhood sexual abuse. Visit your gynaecologist and sex therapist for a diagnosis: only with the correct diagnosis can suitable treatment be recommended. Pain seldom goes away on its own, so it’s best to get the help you deserve.

Can I have sex while I’m pregnant?
Maintaining sexual activity during pregnancy is healthy and harmless to both you and the baby, and ensures ongoing intimacy between you and your partner. Women don’t all feel the same, sexually, during pregnancy: some have a higher libido than ever before, and in others it seems to change throughout the three trimesters. The only reason not to have sex is if neither person wants to, or if your doctor has advised against it for medical reasons.

The information provided in this article was correct at the time of publishing. At Mediclinic we endeavour to provide our patients and readers with accurate and reliable information, which is why we continually review and update our content. However, due to the dynamic nature of clinical information and medicine, some information may from time to time become outdated prior to revision.