Smoking. Drinking. Drugs. Help your child avoid the traps.

Posted on 24 December 2019

No parent wants their child to head down the slippery slope of nicotine, alcohol and/or drug addiction. A Mediclinic psychologist offers input and insight on how to help your teen negotiate these pitfalls.

Dr Tanya Boshoff, a clinical psychologist at Mediclinic Potchefstroom, says that communication is the key to your relationship with your child. “No matter what age, if there is no communication, the foundation has not been laid down to ensure your child listens to you. Conversations are the most powerful tool to ensure you connect with your child – and they have to be honest and real. Your child has to feel that they are loved and not being criticised.” Dr Boshoff suggests treating conversations as ‘teachable’ moments and says chats about harmful substances can start at an early age.

For your pre-schooler and school-going child

Start explaining the importance of keeping their body healthy. This could entail aspects such as exercising and eating healthily.

When watching TV or videos, explain to your pre-schooler the difference between what is real and what is make-believe. Often kids see a cartoon character smoking or drinking poison and think it is ‘cool’.

Explain to your child that it’s wrong to take medicine unless it is prescribed for you and explain that only grown-ups are allowed to drink alcohol.

Ensure your child has strong self-esteem, knows how to identify their emotions and how to deal with emotions appropriately. Start to discuss aspects of problem solving, which is a component of emotional intelligence (EQ). When confronted with a problem, ask for your child’s ‘clever idea’. It does not have to be a ‘perfect’ solution – it just has to be some aspect your child has thought of to help in the situation. Finding their own solution to problems builds their self-esteem. Remember, you can always elaborate on the solution together.

For your tween and teenager

As Dr Boshoff explains, this is the stage where children often rely a lot on the approval of their friends and want to feel they are accepted.

Make sure they know what is expected of them and what the ‘rules’ are in your household. They should also know what the consequences will be if rules are broken.

Become involved in their ‘world’ and get to know what they like and don’t like; what is regarded as being ‘in’ and what is viewed as ‘uncool’. By showing interest, you are telling your child that you are open to discuss anything.

Get to know your child’s friends’ parents and have regular chats with them to ensure everyone is on the same page regarding drugs, smoking and drinking.

Teenagers often believe that smoking, drinking or taking drugs is a quick fix to help cope with stress.  They are often very vulnerable and may have a low self-esteem. Address these concerns. By letting your child become more independent, you are allowing them to develop self-confidence and start to feel more competent.

When you find your teenager drinking or smoking, parents are often faced with feelings of panic and anger. Ensure that you do not let communication levels shut down – and take time out to calm down before confronting the issue.

Ask your teenager to explain what has been going on – and try your best to understand. The better you understand why they are using harmful substances, the better equipped you are to help with suitable solutions and not only punishments. Make sure they understand that you don’t accept their behaviour, but that you are willing to help them navigate this territory.

Remind your child that everyone makes mistakes, but that it’s important to learn from them. Tell them of mistakes you made when you were younger – and try to find out what caused them to engage in these activities.

Be prepared for the fact that your teen will be going through mood swings and they will challenge everything you say and suggest. Set clear expectations. Your teen should know that drinking and drugging is illegal and that there are health, legal and educational consequences. Children need to hear the facts, but it doesn’t help to ‘scare’ them into listening to you. Some teenagers might want to ‘prove you wrong’ and do what you thought would ‘scare’ them. Once again – communication is so important.

Lastly, Dr Boshoff suggests developing a home environment where each child can suggest what they would like to do to have family-related fun. These outings will demonstrate how they can have a good time without alcohol or drugs.